. It sounds like there are many many committed marriages but seemingly to unwise and probably unloving spouses. Ive been thinking about wanting a second child seven years after I gave birth to our first one. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that my wife wont touch me sexually, youre not alone. Oh my goodness you sound so defeated. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. I feel like its just my life now. You deserve to be happy in your life as well. I made the decision that I would just say screw it and NOT think about sex at all. Not sure what feels worse, not getting any or getting it with her just laying there. If you love him why cant you help him be happy a few times a week I dont get that part, it is just a little bit of your time and you could set all the rules or boundaries of what you are and are not willing to do. I had a client recently who was so angry at her spouse, she said she didnt want to have any physical intimacy with her husband, If he wants to get divorced, let him get divorced, she said. If you love the person you will probably end up in the suffer category, unfortunately. My wife determined several years ago that she no longer has that connection to me, and will eventually leave. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. I mention this so that you may not assume Im ugly or out of shape. I want to have a joyful life not just be comfortably numb. We lose ourselves. I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning2 and overall interest in sex. Prior to that, for seven years, we would occasionally engage in oral, which was unsatisfying since it was one sided and felt mechanical. My current wife was 49 and I was 54 when we met and sex was twice a day for over a year, When she proposed to me, I raesoned that she was a good friend and sex was more then satisfactory, so I accepted. Enjoy your life as my dear friend you only go around once. Our finances have never been merged and the only money between us has been my initial investment in her business. Dang! Thank you Jeff! But, do not sell yourself. 5 Marriage Problems That Most Couples Face And Their Solutions, My Wife Is Not Interested In Sex And Sometimes It Feels Like I Am Having It With A Dead Body. I hope this is helpful to someone. What shallow view of the problem. Underlying medical problems Nothing before marriage, nothing on our wedding night and little to nothing for the next 46+ years. You can help by mediating such issues or chalking a way out of the problem together, to restore her peace of mind and bring back the passion in your bedroom. Most women are unforgiving and never say theyre sorry for the crap they pull, and stop providing or enjoying sex on that basis. We still talk, but thats it. I never cared about sex when I was 35 or now at 76! She has her own retail business, which cash flows, but has hasnt turned a profit in the last 5 years. If you have always been the one to initiate intimacy in your relationship, take a step back and tell her how sexy you think it would be for her to be the one to reach out. our sense of what is expected . Most woman will get turned off by men putting us down and there is no way we will reward you by having sex with you and if you wait until the next day to be s jerk after having sex with make less likely for you to get I. Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. I just gave up. Wow!!! I have the same problem and there isnt a answer. If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. Here are some foreplay ideas for inspo. She has no interest in any positions other than missionary even though I love other positions. Good luck to you all and hope the juices start flowing soon for those that feel deprived. If that is in fact part of the problem, then there nothing that I can do or hope to do. Too bad; I truly live him but I dont need the stress. i rejected it, because I have become detached, unhappy and frustrated. I work full time, do personal training after that, and run a business. Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. Many men and most women are connected through sexual intimacy. Glenn, as a man to another man; its time to let that person go. 39 TRUST ME RUN Dont walk Dont ruin your life!!!! I have spent most of my life not being spoiled by anyone. Every study I have ever seen says its over twice as likely for the woman to be the one withholding. He thinks that his low testosterone is the cause of his actions or lack of. I understand your pov at a level you may not understand (sorry) or appreciate. I chose to stay just to piss my wife off. She has become a roommate and a friend, but not a wife that gives me the joy and love we used to have. I cant hurt her, no way! If your wife never initiates affection, it could be due to any of the reasons listed above in this article. Surprise her by getting a sitter and taking her to a nice dinner. We have been married 41 years. The guy is obviously attracted to you and enjoys your company or why the 30 year dating? Adding, However, just because your wife avoids physical contact doesnt necessarily mean theres bound to be infidelity involved. How To Romantically Flirt With Your Spouse? As I mentioned before, the lack of physical contact can be due to a myriad of reasons.. The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. This went on for years. a great career in media..She seems to have lost interest in ME. I sense for it to get all the way to her not wanting to be touched whatsoever at all anymore, something must have happened. A marriage I have no interest in ending, ever. If your wife wont touch you, maybe something has changed. If you have a hunch your wife is dealing with body image issues, gently bring it up with her, and see if there are ways you can support herwithout making it seem like you're critiquing her body or suggesting she needs to change the way she looks. Why, in a relationship, is Sex so bloody important? If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment. Period. Cheating is easy and you deserve it. I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. I dont look my age at all! Have you considered opening your relationship or swinging together? Your wife may simply just not want sex as regularly as you do, and she may not even know how important sex is to you. Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. My functioning would be fine when engaging in sex with a woman for the first time, paid sex, and one night stands. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. I always thought by the time I retired, I would have both the time and energy to truly connect sexually with my spouse without worrying about kids interrupting, getting up early for work or that sex had to be scheduled. The problem with respecting a partner who doesnt want sex any longer, is that the other person who does want sex needs to be respected too. Im 65 and he is 74. Once you've looked at yourself, talk to her and pay attention to how she's feeling. We just share our acerage, her in the house and I have a place with my dettached out building. I have stayed in the marriage because of my kids and other family issues which go beyond this comment. Anyway, I simply want you to know that as many women as men are trapped in this sadness. On fantasy world would be 24/7! I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. I want to be involved in sex to enjoy the feeling of being loved by a woman.. in bed nothing happen just sleep. Nothing physical. Nowadays due to the requirement of Adult Mens Sex Toys, different kind of online retailer store like Lovecubby available for a variety of high-quality sex toys for men & women that everyone can love. I am new to this. I would suggest you try these because they will increase your natural produce of testosterone without the side effects you mention. Weve been married for 37 years. Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. When the support isnt there, the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy are going to suffer. My husband and I are working on these issues now, and it takes some serious ,painful discussion. He wanted to break the monotony in the relationship, but she simply wouldnt open up. This can be emotionally wounding for her, and the man too if he has empathy. You may find that your perception of the situation is extremely different than theirs . She continued to have sex for a while but that eventually ended and we havent had sex now in over 5 years. And its been going that way for years. If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. Frankly, Im ready for a change of scene because this is like living with someone who it seems might be happier living off by himself. A subtle way of saying I will date outside the marriage. Why waste your money and time on hookerd? As a kid I grew up without Christmas or birthdays. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. What is the solution? Now its gotten where I cant get hard when Im with her, Im sure its mental causes. Makes me happy Im not married. Thank you for sharing! Then extreme back problems thru me into disability. Before the ink was dry on the marriage license, shed already decided she was done being nice. Are you serious? And Im okay with that. They may be finding fulfilment on the computer/phone with others (just a guess) and so thats a big problem right there. It will never balance out. Good luck. But when I try to go to the next level. * After all of that, the thought of intimacy at night becomes almost like another chore, says Gopa. My ex is 70; I am 63. we have been married about 22 years. I cannot take any form of estrogen and I literally have lost all desire. Only once really in love. We havent had sex in over a year and a half because of my wifes lack of interest. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. In a long-term relationship, the partner with the higher libidowhich is not always . Mates but l want to .feel loved , should l hang lt up and move on ty. I really just want to be wanted the way I want her, sexually or not, to just be valued as a committed, loving husband. I was too vain and just average. I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. goodluck! Our sexual problems are much more complex because I have accepted the fact that she really wants to be intimate but the cost is too high. She was before marriage. With kids and work schedules, it can unfortunately become easy to put date night on the back burner, but there are plenty of reasons to make it a priority in your week. Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. by *someone!! My husband has no sex drive at all. For me my wife has me feeling guilty and hesitant and re framing from touching her in any way. I dont masturbate much because I would prefer to be with her. Yet even in my early 60s I have stronger desire than my partner does. I feel Im too old to do anything to cause me to have to be alone. I am familiar with all of this and I kept silent for a very long time. I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! And its understandable, its a very hard thing to accept. Ive been reading a lot about this and not come across anyone with a solution apart from no proper sex or divorce. If your wife avoids intimacy, this could be her way of punishing you for something she suspects you of. (For the record, I would cook, but Im terrible at it). Zimmerman also recommends getting some time away from the kids regularly so that you can re-immerse yourselves in your identities as individuals and as a couple outside of your roles as parents. I have never, nor will I ever cheat. By the way, I love, desire, and adore my husband, but I recognize I will never have my needs met after almost 50 years. If they did, they would be taking care of business! Wow. Makes me feel worth lessnot worthless.worth. I am sorry I stayed, but life, illness, dementia parents and a son kept me in this sexless marriage. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. I desire foreplay and intimacy, not just intercourse. Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. This is hard, because of my upbringing and the fact she is a wonderful person in every other way. Would you prefer I see prostitutes or have a girlfriend on the side to take care of my needs? So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. Now married to number 3. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? I look good for my age and am so tempted to look for another relationship. I am 66 and my wife is 62. Instead of asking yourself something along the lines of, What to do when wife wont put out? ask your partner if theyd like to experience something different in bed. Are you in a similar place in your relationship? Due to bi-polar, I have had a strong sex drive since I can remember. Why is a mans focus so connected to his ability to use a womans body to empty the contents of his balls? Do this without the expectation of sexual intimacy. If physical intimacy is missing and one partner is complaining about it, you know theres something going on. I have difficulty ejaculating and often, cannot get erections with her. So no, this was not the place to blow your horn. My wife is an alcoholic so mood swings are often. As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. Gopa explains how it can be detrimental to your physical intimacy. Same here except I m 75 he is 80. Our house is free and clear which is due to my earning a lot over 30 years and being conservative with money. Back issues and menopause have completely removed my interest in sex. Do this consistently, eat a mostly protein based diet and cut out sugar for 6 months and report back. I ask why she said it is just how it is. Sexual intimacy is kissing, hugging, touching, petting, laying baked, masturbating one another, oral sex and that look of intensity that tells you that you are desired. Try DHEA. Choosing a date of the week for example, in which she will be the one to request it. Frustrated. I literally want sex daily and extremely sleep deprived because many nights I am rock hard all night long. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. Holding on and hoping we can work it out, for now Im giving him space. Maddening! And yes thank goodness for self stimulation but what I wouldnt give for a womans touch!!! I appreciate that No outside agency or individual can fix anything yet they get their fix of adulation with tired Info. After the Revenge cheat she had the nerve to I didnt sign up for this garbage! We were both virgins when we married. I have tried individual therapy and that was to no avail. And LATINA. I wish you well and hope you find some consolation With all of that being said, I an understand your frustration. It will resotre his body as well and make you hapoier. I just dont understand. When emotional intimacy dies a slow death in your relationship, its possible that it could signal an affair. For me, its been 8x in 3 yearsand Ive tried talking about it with him as frequency has dwindled to essentially nothing. Does your wife struggle with self-love? But it also means were in a status quo that just isnt satisfying. I guess. Read the first sentence again. I can understand why youre anxious about talking to your wife about this, but communication is the only way youll get out of this impasse. Its not worth the stress. Now the difficult part. God as our designer and maker knows what is best for us. Send Joan your questions by emailingsexpert@seniorplanet.org. If your wife doesnt feel attractive anymore, she may shy away from undressing in front of you. One of the top sexual concerns women have is feeling self-conscious about their own bodies during sex. Add to that some other longstanding unresolved low sex drive and relationship problems caused by their mate (me) in the past, and strict un_affectionate anti_sex parents in her upbringing. The thing thats in the way the most for me ISNT all the atrophy, the breast surgery, the continuing oral chemo therapy, the fatigue that I have. The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. Im 59, wife 63 and the big M has hit her like you have said it did you. Well -they dont. Am I undesirable? Seeing a therapist or speaking with her doctor about her mental health is a step in the right direction to help you recognize the woman you fell in love with. At age 69, were certainly way beyond the procreation stage. We were together for 14 years. Welcome to, IMO, male divine right. Too bad, b/c I think Id be better for him than she could ever be. But whatever you do, never go to therapists. This will make intimacy a million times more enjoyable for both partners. But I noticed the past 3 years she has seldom initiated intimate relations, and I attribute that to she likes to use her ipad and play puzzle / word/ and brain teaser games and does surf her FB some. Additionally, she should see an endocrinologist who can check her thyroid. There are many reasons. Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. I hear you bro. the women stop trying once you give them what they want. As for porn, I dont mind it at all when he watches it (though he thinks I never see him), after all, we are all human and have drives and needs. My doctor has tried several medications to stop any and all sexual feelings that I feel , but the side effects have always been so adverse that none of them worked out. (she has seen a councelor) and she this has gone on for years and may take years to heal and maybe I will never heal. But now living with you is not what she thought it would be and she closes shop on you. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. Never unfaithful. Frankly; its time to move on and out . But she works in a male-dominated field and loves to flirt this drives me bat shit crazy as I know I will never be there with her again. Nothing is out of bounds! She says that its up to me to deal with it however I choose. I ruled our marriage & family and still do. Let the in-laws or best friend care for your children for a day or two. Better than NO sex of any sort for 10+ years, and being rediculed for masturbating. You need to talk to her and get to the root of whats causing her panic and anxiety whenever she gets close to you; when she feels comfortable and that whatever major issue there is, gets resolved, maybe your sex life will return. He doesbt accept the limitations of my back injury. There is simply no point in brushing the problem under the carpet. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. I urge you to seek help now. That's part of it, but in long-term relationships, sex is also the fastest route for a man to feel close and connected to his wife. My wife of 35 years and I have always had difficulty sexually. Demetria, so how old are you now? The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. Gopa explains how such mental health issues can affect your physical intimacy. I really miss a girlfriend I used to have who loved giving me oral sex. Now its more about independence- Im tired of living in my spouses value system .
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