That reads like some kind of Cinderella story, where the whole family of your husband just never respected you as an equal. Couples may fight between themselves, over big things and small, but we expect a partner to stick up for us when someone else threatens us, criticizes us, makes us feel bad. youre a nice, likeable girl who most women get along with). when I"m driving now I'm always nervous and looking behind me when I'm stopped and I start shaking when someone looks like they are coming up fast behind me. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. He said I just have to say no and didn't have to make a drama out of it and was really mad. If it was me in that exact same situation, I would have never reported it to the police or the insurace company. It creates a stronger intimacy with your spouse When your focus is on your mate then each other's needs can be Someone rear ended my car. Well the state I live in requires all drivers to have insurance and if you don't, they will fine you, take your driver's license away and the license on the vehicle you are driving and you can also possibly go to jail. 4. But they dont have to. Copyright 2023 Leaf Group Ltd., all rights reserved. Your husband runs to his sister over caring for your kids even in a life or death situation. Sometimes when the woman of the house makes all of the decisions, the man can feel left out and feel like just a monetary provider. Lol one time my ex and I were watching a movie and she paused it and looked at me and said, I care about my dog more than I care about you" and th However the OP is not the one who caused the accident - if you rear end someone you are somewhere between 150% and 100% in the wrong. // Leaf Group Lifestyle, How to Make Marriage Work With a Blended Family With Teenagers, How to Save My Marriage When My Spouse Hates My Parents, How to Get Your Husband to Set Boundaries With His Mother, The Effects of Separation & Divorce on a Family, How to Deal With Stepchildren & Their Mother, FamilyEducation.com: Ten Basic Rules for Dealing with In-Laws. WebIf you have read my articles for a while, you will know I love a good book. Fix the car, and figure out a way that she can repay you - set up monthly payments. 03/01/2014 at 9:01 am. If your boyfriend is the one doing the flirting with his female friends, then he's probably doing it on purpose. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. The person who wants to be both a loyal spouse and a loyal son or daughter can experience a dilemma that can rock a marriage to its roots, and this is one reason it is important to understand the intricacies of in-law relationships. She had the audacity to get upset when im only supposed to pick up the other sister. They wont say it. The fact that he didnt come home until the following afternoon is so suspicious to me. AJ needed to stay at our place for few months while waiting for her boyfriend. Your children will move out one day. This makes it easier to stick to your boundaries about the times that are just for the two of you or you and your children. But unfortunately my fifth child develop sort of fur allergies. Post-traumatic stress is comon after accidents. I am so sad. THis should be about allowing the sister and OP to sort out a drama which was NOBODY's problem but their's. I get the impression that the OP actually has deeper issues with the sister; OP might find her irresponsible, resent her for not taking the job that bf and OP found for her and the accident is just pushing all of this foward. She may be looking to them for something she doesnt get from you. It is fine not to take sides. Sitemap . A decade is long enough to deal with this, this is the rest of your life if you dont leave. You can't love someone out of an addiction, and you can't hope the person will love you enough to change. You want her -and him- to recognize that she did you wrong. I don't know what to do. You might be thinking that you should give your husband some time and space so Love tends to be part of the package. The word priority isnt even the right term. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? If you cant stand for her, let her at least stand for herself. Life & Culture, About Us. Talk to a divorce lawyer, your husband treats you like a doormat. We ask. She is the innocent party.. Aren't you on my side?" Nothing works. In a family setting, this common "truth" turns out to be nonsense. I don't understand why it is so important that the sister be the one to pay - especially considering she is currently jobless and has two kids. But if people Later, she doubled-down by giving 95% of herself to our son when it was just the three of us. Dont let your emotions govern your actions and dont let them turn into resentment. She was just like "oh did I just hit you? " Youll carry on because your spouse is always first and he or she will carry you through the grief and transition. It isn't an expensive car (Toyota Corolla) but I've never had a brand new car before so it is a big thing to me) Well on friday I was driving home from work and I decided to take a different road because the road I normally take is full of pot holes and you almost lose a tire going over them. Your feelings are valid and you should have put your foot down on this behavior the day he left to help her pack instead of being there for you around your due date. I think its both fair and proper for divorced or otherwise single parents to prioritize their children over people theyre dating when theres still uncertainty about whether marriage is in the future. Do you just want to vent, do you want him to truly understand your emotional pain, or do you want him to fix the situation? But i got held up as my co worker was running late. Let your family and friends know that when it comes to your wife and marriage, there is a line they cannot be crossed. Youre miserable and unhappy, dont let it go on. If this is the man your going to marry then it sounds like there is going to be some family issues out of this. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Or, maybe you expect more from the relationship than is healthy. My husband has always catered to his family. I can ALMOST understand the parents thing. This can be difficult if his friends are toxic to the marriage, but its worth trying. A mother and baby lock together in a mutual gaze, each looking back to the other looking at heran activity called "eye love" which is also practiced by romantic lovers as they gaze at each other in mutual admiration. As teenagers, girls bond with their friends through complaints about their "impossible mothers." That's a lot to expect. You need to understand why they said that to you; They are not your enemies., Accept them, they are like that. My car is a 2008 and I want NEW replacement parts on it straight from the dealer. I am on the OP's side, too. There are only four reasons listed here, and not all of these are things that make my husband unhappy, of course. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. I told my husband what if AJ brings the dog with her, my son would get allergies again (swollen eyes, sneezing, etc). I 24 F turning 25 soon, have been married to my husband 27 M for almost 9 years. My mom found out i was upset as i was at my dads grave crying. I understand your feelings. Before we got married, my husband told me he lives his mother and sisters very much. As every people here, I was thinki In the second post you have toned things down a bit with the situation. Having said this, I truly hope there are underlying issues, instead of the pettiness displayed. I also requested that a police report be filed. Well they never did and he had no police report to document that the accident ever occurred. So, I would be irked to no end had the same situation happened to me. He meddles in our business. Though it is often said that the family is in decline, the bond between parent and child (and grandchild) remains as strong and as enduring as ever. Though there is no one-sentence answer, there is an answer: Men choose one woman over another for several reasons, and they're not necessarily ones you might expect. We have 6 children of our own. We are supposed to go to work the same time. Its difficult to change them now., Why you focus so on what they say. My husband took care of her younger sister when they were little. Of course, you work. If anyone but the BF's sister had hit the OP, we'd all be in agreemnt that no one should be driving without insurance and that the OP should take whatever steps are necessary to get her car fixed by the other driver, etc. In marriage, either your spouse is #1, or youre doing it wrong. That's good information. .If your husband is choosing friends over you, one way to get him to spend more time with you is to suggest spending more time together as a family. My guy and I have been together for several years. Tell him that you value his input and would like to know how he feels about it so you both can come up with a decision together. I still drive the same car, 6 years hence and now know where to find a good mechanic if ever it breaks down (which it never did). You will provide the same support for her or him. Being a family business, of two very capable entrepreneurial spouses, it benefits from Antonio, the husband, directing the crew and also performing the landscape, repairs and If your husband objects, tell him that he allowed his sister's behaviour to divide you when he could've supported you years ago. We just have to learn to laugh at it together, because she's my mum, and that's that," whereas her husband Glen feels uneasy when Annie complains about the timing of his mother's phone calls. I said suit yourself. Missing My Husband In Heaven Quotes To my beloved husband in heaven, you may no longer be here with me, but your love will always remain in my heart. More and more, people are coming to understand this, but often when their marriage is in shambles and their trying to figure out why, or in the aftermath of a painful divorce. One of my childhood friends had me connect with her sister-in-law, who had gone through a similar situation. For the love of god get a divorce he treats you like shit. (NOTE: Im writing specifically about married moms and dads who made babies together. Aside from that we spent money for those occasions. Nothing is lonelier than dealing with an angry mother-in-law. Because respect is a two-way street. So, indirectly, she'd be paying to have her car repaired. Men can be like kids in a candy store with their hobbies. His sister is an idiot. But there are thousands of wives reading here too, and several have asked for help understanding what kinds of wifely behavior can destroy a marriage. Not for opinions, not for relationship advice, and not for preaching. We have to stop everything we do for her no matter what it is. I would say 4x more than him. It will be hard. If AJ and husband arent sexually involved, there is definitely emotional incest going on. Your boyfriend is realy in a bad spot. It is natural that you will feel put down and dismissed. Hence, Annie finds it easy to say to her husband, "I know mum's a real nuisance. Yet all too often a husband will leave such boundary-work to a wife. I Traditionally, the wife/mother controls the children's schedules. He spoils her a lot. He plans trips and bday parties for her. Now, to be honest, I also have ALWAYS preferred my dad over my mum. Young couples, or couples at any stage of marriage, should evaluate the boundaries where their in-laws or other family members are concerned, suggests Dr. Phil. Each and every message like that tends to signify that someone doesnt understand what it means to accept personal responsibility, which means theyre going to feel like a victim every time something bad happens for their rest of their lives until theylearn how to flip that around. But still. Because you are living for something greater than yourself and are less likely to die alone with herpes on your mouth. A place to get personal things off your chest. He finally came home in the afternoon. Don't mean to sound harsh. So basically I am paying for the damage to my own car just not outright). Even pointing something out sets him off. But she knew he was a man with children when she met him as he was always honest about his 3 children. WebMy 2 year old son has ALWAYS preferred his father over me. I was in bad shape. I got out to look at the damage and was ready to start screaming at the person in the other vehicle when I realized the person who hit me was my boyfriend's sister!!!! Cal's response is, "I love my mother and don't want her hurt." WebHusbands Choosing Their Friends Over Their Wives (and Vice Versa) When two individuals decide to get married, a change occurs in their liveshopefully for the better. Junk yard or dealer, as long as it gets replaced and looks like it did pre-accident then you shouldn't make a big deal out of it. brand spanking new replacement parts, unless your premiums are through the roof. Now, this part is usually the obvious part of a change in attitude. There is soo much more to tell. SEcondly if the B/f wants to marry her, he better realize that he OWES his G/f his lotalty over his sister. We live together, split bills, etc. Instead, take your time to heal, eat as much as you want (but not too much), stay indoors till you get your confidence back. "My husband gets angry whenever I say anything about his family. By W. Pett Ridge. My boyfriend also lied to me- he came home with $1000 in cash and handed it to me and said it was from his sister. AJ said the appt isnt refundable, coach/master is already at the studio waiting and AJs boyfriend wouldnt let her go by her own to the appt if my husband isnt coming. Try to ignore the bad things and look for the good ones.. HE is screaming at me for two days like the accident is MY fault (he says he knows its not but that I am being difficult) as his sister wants to go to a junk yard nad find a used bumper for my car and I say no way. Agree that if you want to buy expensive items or spend a large amount of money, that you will come to him so you can decide together, too. I was under the impression that you are supposed to report an accident no matter whose fault it is. WebI feel your pain so much. I'm done! Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. Her car will get fixed. She is more involved in his decision-making than you, which may If a mistress is in love, she may not want to end it, even if she knows it's wrong. That pushes his relationship with his sister closer, a somewhat strange one already. His excuse was well lying to you was easier than listening to you get upset. Just ignore., You need to stop being so emotional or touchy. RELATED:12 Ways To Know Your Husband's Happy In Your Marriage. You dont have to stop being a mom just turn and be your husbands wife too. I think you're feeling a lot of outrage about all this and it sounds like you resent the sister for more then just the accident. My husbands dad bought a minivan, the dad would drive AJ to work. Im an only child so i could never understand how having a sibling would be like. And *big swallow*, if your children mean more to you than your partner, and you believe catering to their needs at the expense of your partners is the right thing to do, then I think your marriage is a ticking time bomb. Set up a babysitter after the kids are in bed and go out together. But the family is dealing with the accident as many families would: they offered to pay for the damage. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Though romantic relationships are very different from "blood" relationships, the biochemistry and neural signals that bond infant and parent are the very same ones used to bond us to a mate. They feel that their husbands can take care of themselves because they're grown just like they are and well, the children are children. You can see what people do.