My grandparents on my dad's side would always have my brother and I over for Christmas when we were younger (around when I was 5-10 and my brother was 9-14). Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. Im on a c food diet; candy, cookies, and cake. If the cashier was a woman, this would go down: >Cashier: Your total is $x.xx. 7 had finally gone off the deep end. It was such a nice jester! That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak, I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Because they're really good at it. Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. They look at their dad in awe. An example is the phrase 'come to dust' in a song from Shakespeare's Cymbeline: 'Golden lads and girls all must, / As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.'" on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes, Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes, An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes, Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. A lawsuit, What is the difference between a dead dear and a dead lawyer? I also wouldn't put him into a general category when it comes to dad jokes. Sadly, he lost his case. Tell your dog Akvile said hi! It's nice to know what type of pun you're reading, but the most important part of a pun is whether it's funny or not! Not unless you Count Dracula. 6 My Favorite F. Scott Fitzgerald Book Is The Great Gastly. I didn't know my dad was a . This makes it a prime number. My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box. Think of a number between 1 and 10. Welcome to the pun-kin patch! Theres something so gratifying about taking word-related words (yes, you read that right) and making jokes out of them. What's the best thing about Switzerland? She said, "Wii.". So, after much deliberation I decided to welcome my Dad to the world of SMS the only way I felt was appropriate to the relationship we share. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. How many trains did you derail last year?" On the third try he was able to get through. I'm not a doctor but I'm losing my patience. Teacher: So how do you set up this integral? My weekend is fully booked. My best friend just told me she doesnt like Lord of the Rings, but she definitely doesnt know what shes Tolkien about. Send Good Vibes. and I burst into tears. We have an on-and-off relationship. It's the title of a real book that tackles both whimsical and serious philosophical questions about all things Zelda. 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Use acute angle. I'll tell you if you're right. Ive decided to retire as a librarian to start a new chapter in my life. My cat is totally litter-ate. No comet. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. He laughed, said he remembered it, then said "well, why don't you count up the red ones again, see what you get? Which countrys capital has the fastest-growing population? Jungle bells! So my dad, my uncle, my wife and I were all sitting in a waiting room and my wife told my dad that she would text him her new phone number. Could a librarian be called a bookkeeper? 10/23 - National Mole Day (Avogrado's number) 6.02 x 10^23, u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" If you are on the same page then this complete collection of puns is exactly what you are looking for. Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. Now whats my seat number?. A little about me: I'm a beekeeper. It's just for the time of the ride.". ", We agreed, and got to it. Keep up the mew -mentum. 7 couldn't follow. German children are always kinder. Charity: A few charity-related phrases for you to use in your gift puns: " Charity begins at home," and "A charitable person.". "7, why did you eat 9". Because they have two left feet! We can use puns to create humorous and imaginative statements that people refer to as wordplay. She devotes 99% of her time to snuggling with her cats and 100% of her money to following Harry Styles around on tour. Subscribe to The Pun. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes, [also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]. A: A crookodile, Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Why does nobody talk to circles? Q: What happened to the guy who sued over his missing luggage? I was hoping you guys could get a number so I wouldn't have to! Me: Can 43 be divided by 2?Is it even? Theres no menu - you get what you deserve. That includes Hyrule, Link himself, and of course, the fans that . 8. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. It really made waves when I came home with it! Why can't you run through a campground? He left me the key in his will. and I burst into tears. It doesnt make any cents, What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? Encountered a little dad joke between my uncle and dad today Heard this in the hospital waiting room today. Why was the baby ant confused? Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever at the same time - puns will never get boring, even if they'd be the last jokes left on Earth. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place. 10. That book about Mt. It was both of my parents(they like to put me on speakerphone so they can talk to me simultaneously) informing me of my Dad's new cellular device. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Why was King Arthur's army too tired to fight? Both terrible amazing jokes were said today to the same kid, Tom. You dont want to overdue it. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. (Credit: justbadpuns on tumblr). Should have been watching it better. 27. If he could just convince 21, nicknamed blackjack, to reverse 12's decision, it would all be over. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. Librarians know everythingtheyre so resourceful. Warning: Beware that these number jokes may make you laugh so hard that your sides will hurt and tears will come out of your eyes. I'm a proud member of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals! 20 and 30 is 50. (n.) "a Conceit arising from the use of two Words that agree in the Sound, but differ in the Sense" [Addison]; "An expression in which the use of a word in two different applications, or the use of two different words pronounced alike or nearly alike, presents an odd or ludicrous idea" [Century Dictionary]; 1660s (first attested in Dryden), a word of uncertain origin. Mice crispies. "Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Bud Abbott: All right, heres your $30, now give me the 20 you owe me. 9/11 reads like the emergency phone number used in the United States Good Jokes for Adults. No. So scroll down below, vote for the funniest, and let us know what you think! 47. Last week's chocolate jokes are here. Albert Sloan. From pitches to bats, we've got the funniest plays on words in the game. Youve never read Fitzgerald? The art competition ended in a draw. Why did the dog run after the book? You can also find amazing math puns you're looking for with 45 math puns that are better than pi itself. I opened my journal but didnt know which page to usewrite or left. A guy trying to rob a disco: "Everybody, hands up in the air!". Litter-patter; Whiskers Cat Puns. Why was the math book depressed? The teacher jumped up, came around the front of the desk, and yelled, "All right, who's the comedian with the big balls?". Score a home run with these hilarious baseball puns and jokes! I can tell you like meyou keep checking me out. I don't care whose bee it is. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. Im not really a mourning person. A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter. What do you call a computer that grows on a Christmas tree? How meta! A. I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. Bob. She is ingenious in finding the best pictures of funny and adorable animals, though she especially loves supplying readers with tattoo designs. and I thought Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" Lou Costello: 40. Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Its deer tracks. But 3 promised to get to the root cause. Surprisingly, eggs aren't just for inspiring puns, they also make vital centerpieces to egg-squisite breakfasts and brunches. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to One of my dad's go-to classics when I was growing up. We recommend our users to update the browser. 9/11 reads like the emergency phone number used in the United States 10/4 - Pun for 10-4, which is similar to saying "roger that" I told her she forgot the 9. 6. Chiron confronts Aaron, his mother's lover, whom he believes is responsible for . Thats ridiculous. The skit ends with a simple read my mind routine that takes Lous last remaining bill. Ill do algebra, Ill do trig. Their only option was to turn to 12 who had twice the resources 6 had. On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. Enjoy! Music Puns; Erin Cossetta 135,694; Puns. I thought it was a nice, The politician is not one for Indian food. "I'm a panda," he says at the door. He wanted to check out a mystery. Read up on our best puns ever including our word puns and you'll be punstoppable. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. I started reading a book about anti-gravity. A. Did you hear John Green got lost in Canada? Here are our picks for the funniest books of all time. A: You rocket, Q: What do you call a thieving crocodile? One of the key measurements of diffusion is Q, or the total number of dopants in the substrate. Submitted by J. Lee, There's a guy in town who walks around talking to himself using only figurative language. Every time my dad tells this it gets just a little more elaborate. (Look at audience) First I owe him 10, now I owe him 20. 17. Three times 7 went to 21's compound. England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. With hand Santatizer 4. Because she knew she wasnt greater than or less than anyone else. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" 9/11 - No intention of being offensive with this one. 2. One can only imagine where the roots of puns are hidden. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Why did the detective go to the library? Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. But we think that a good pun is always worth a good laugh. A. My dogs dont even own bikes, I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. They're funny because they're true in both interpretations of the word, and they are best understood when read. It was a mean thing to say! To say hello from the other side. Writers are always cold because theyre surrounded by so many drafts. A buccaneer. Ale of Two Cities, A Brief History Of Wine, The Last of The Mojitos. How do you throw a space party? 5. Please enter your email to complete registration. (Credit: justbadpuns on tumblr), My boss yelled at me the other day, Youve got to be the worst train driver in history. EDIT : sorry 3 groups of people. AKA Star Wars Day Funny One-Liners 1. Will Smith made his first awards show appearance this week since the infamous 2022 Oscars, during which he slapped Chris Rock across the face and was subsequently banned from the event for 10 years. I have a daughter who turns 4 next month. A nervous wreck. and I burst into tears. The first one is on the house.". The Tell- tail Heart You have a great cat -itude. Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? Comedians and writers use puns all the time in their acts and writing. @HelloJessicaFox. A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback. He could not free himself from his, I thought Santa was going to be late, but he arrived in the, "You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish. Have we met? Teacher: And so, what is the answer? Don't check the fridges; check out these, Animals are funny enough without the wordplay, but these. I've spent all day readingit was bound to happen. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Saber-Toothed tiger a Lightsaber-Toothed tiger? Why are frogs so happy? 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. All of us in the waiting room let out a collective groan and secretly hoped we would have him as our triage nurse. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. 34. One asks, Whats your favorite kind of music? The other says, Im a big metal fan., Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? They always were in, I was struggling to figure out how lightning works, but then, The grammarian was very logical. Ooops! Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? "I did a . Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us! My view on my sub-par math teacher completely changed today. 3. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Included in this entry are both puns to do with vampires in general, and vampiric pop culture references like . These silly wordplay jokes about stags will amuse the whole family! My daughter received $46 cash in a birthday card, I knew you'd say that (xpost from r/TalesFromRetail), Baby robot says to his dad I have to go potty.. 11 was all primed for the party, but when he factored in the whole situation, 12 split for (4) 3s house. Or maybe it all started in the Middle Ages when, by a long shot, the Trebuchet was the most powerful weapon? 11 Funny Jokes About Numbers. The bartender says "Hey..what's that lyin' there." 6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down. Remember Phil? Huge List of Funny, Clever, Cheesy and Cute Ten Puns That You Will Love! 7 had long offended 6. He goes up to podium and says "plethora". 200 Hilarious Jokes For Teens And Tweens. The maestro turned away from the orchestra as they told him the bad news; he couldn't face the music. I couldn't if I fried. superin ten dent. Climb every meow -tain. 140+ Nerdy Pick Up Lines for Geeks. Error occurred when generating embed. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes. Examples of compound puns are: One hundred hares have escaped the zoo, so police are combing the area. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? National Novel Writing Puns Tweet National Novel Writing Month: Flavor of the Puns Tweet Flavor of the month: There's an R in the Puns Tweet There's an R in the month: Puns in a blue moon Tweet Once in a blue moon: Puns more unto the breach, dear friends, Puns more Tweet Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more: Puns to the crunch Tweet Word play: Word play or wordplay (also: play-on-words) is a literary technique and a form of wit in which words used become the main subject of the work, primarily . Its been shortened to the top 80 images based on user votes. For some reason, sometimes you use Q in the equations, and sometimes you use 2*Q. To eliminate all possibilities I proceeded to listen to the voicemail and ensure it was indeed someone important to me. Because it had a lot of stories! Everybody: "YEAAHHH!!! ! Remains to be seen, I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. Puns are also known as paronomasia, a rhetorical device that uses the dual meaning of a word to achieve an effect. In this lesson, we'll talk about Show more Show more Hide chat replay Mix - PUNS IN ENGLISH |. Akvile is a list curator at Bored Panda. (2022) Make Somebodys Day! It was a play on words. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? If she were a president, she would make good coffee and sweets free of charge for the whole country. The Pun Also Rises. A: A pouch potato, Q: What did the volcano say to his wife? If I had to rate today, I would give it a 10/10. "Because he's my newt.". I havent been to the library in a whilehow Dewey find the books? referee be a game warden? The waiting room is in a temporary location while the main waiting room is being renovated, and the ladies behind the desk couldn't see if someone came in and took a number. I like big books and I cannot lie. 24 Of The Funniest Language Jokes And Puns. 4. I read a book about Teflon, but it contained no frictional characters. My gourd luck charm. A tire, I was going to make a chemistry joke, but since I'm kinda late to the thread, the good ones argon, FUN FACT: cats are made of iron, lithium, and neon. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air. Embedded puns Then in Notarikon * every letter and every combination of letters is analyzed and understood in its own right. Jokes for kids help with reading skills. I had to put my foot down. Did you hear the one about the statistician? What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? Hey Pandas, Post A Picture Of A Cat Being Naughty, 30 Pictures Of Beautiful Bangladeshi People By Mou Aysha (New Pics), 79 Surreal Images Of Sneakers Placed In Some Very Interesting Locations By Carlos Jimnez Varela. Bud Abbott: How much did I ask for? My brother and I would always have fun counting the number of a specific color of ornament separately, then comparing our answers. Because shell go on and on and on forever. Lou Costello: No. RT @DoobusGoobus: 1. Lou Costello: 50 (Credit: @punnstagram), What do you call a thieving alligator? A: An investigator, Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear? What are the strongest days of the week? Be the wittiest tweeter, texter, and writer wherever you go! We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. 43. Patient: When did what happen? It gets the readers' attention because they must read it once more to really get the meaning. Sign up for our weekly newsletters and get: By signing in, you agree to our Terms and Conditions The dad came over to the side of my till while I was serving customers, announced his account number and then ran off to join his family without saying anything else. unos ten tatious. 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Perman-ant. 28. I wanted to visit the local library, but it was overbooked. Probably. Theyd stop at nothing to avoid them. 7/10(stolen from r/memes). We got around 24 for the red ones, so went to tell our grandpa. She commented, "that's an odd amount." Since 43 is odd, we can say with confidence that it cant be divided evenly by any even number! TikTok video from Carmonyyy (@carmonyyy): "Not related but her words #foryou #makeitviral #loosingsupport #alightmotion_edit #carmon444 #newaccount #growupwithme #goviral #2gbplayer #freefire #idfreezed". Practicing without a licence is ill-legal. Baseball is America's favorite pastime, and for a good reason. Books, reading, and writing can all provide the best inspiration for puns and jokesand turn words on their heads to give them a whole new meaning. Please forgive my corny puns. I told her for being a math honors student, I would think she'd recognize that 46 is an even number. I lost my case. The pun doesn't have to stop here! Pun Original; Beyond our Ten Tweet Beyond our ken . A Roamin numeral. Me: Well, did you know that 43 can only be evenly divided by 1 and itself. Incident #2: I don't suffer from insanity. He was chasing his tale. exis ten tialism. Wife: "Come on little bug, and get some supper." Lou Costello: On account I dont know how I owe it to ya. Rome wasn't split into two? Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend. What does Tom say in December? Riveting!" Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Come on, dole them out, we'd all benefit. The girl nods and the bus arrives. 2. hyperex ten sion. Lou Costello: But how can I loan ya $50, now. Don't interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. But unlike most of us, some were born into this world with a rare love for commas, apostrophes, and missing letters. 35) A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. But all I wanted was one night stand. idk if this counts but it was one of my dad's go-to's and the amount of times he did it combined w/ the eye roll punchline made it one to me. Her: Im not sure? ; List of forms of word play: This is a list of techniques used in word play.Techniques that involve the phonetic values of words Mondegreen: a mishearing (usually unintentional) . This number represents the number of atoms in one gram of Carbon-12. Why not go out on a limb? He laughed and said "Darn, I don't know! 3/14 - 3.14 is the first few digits of Pi AKA Pi Day Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. 13. What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. We call him the Village Idiom. I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. 23. He has no reason to text. 29. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? What do you call a number that cant stay in one place? 46. Paul feints. For example, "The incredulous cat said you've got to be kitten me right meow! You knowcause he's blind.". The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. 4. Count quackula, I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure, I'm on a seafood diet. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine. Algebros. Johnny says, "Eddie Murphy! Why was the library so tall? Close your eyes. Compound puns include two punny words in one statement, or they rely on the sound of two words blended together to make the joke. Because seven eight ("ate") nine! I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says The Titanic is syncing., How do you make holy water? We recommend our users to update the browser. 2. This routine was done many times, both in the movies and their radio show. I do all right with my money. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Because there is no point. Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan." One liner tags: attitude, communication, puns. Be the wittiest tweeter, texter, and writer wherever you go! The small tree had a bunch of those stereotypical ornaments (round, plain, solid color) in a bunch of different colors. Here's a fun fact: the word noon comes from the Latin word "nona hora," which translates to "ninth hour." During medieval times, noon fell every 3 PM. But it doesn't matter how kind you are. "Well, he's back in town and wants your number.". What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? You can read more about it and change your preferences, Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Lou Costello: No, I cant. Every day it's Dublin. Reading puns 1. Patient: Doctor, sometimes I feel like I'm invisible. Tom: gives answer Man responds: Youre welcome. A Maybe, What do you call a pig that does karate? Click here for more information. Each time 13 made an argument, 6 and 7 would add to it by shouting over each other. At 2:54 p.m., he rolled them down the aisle, and they crashed into the teacher's desk. Bud Abbott: Now I asked you for a loan of $50. Everyone thinks my runny nose is funny, but it's snot. Have you read the book on teleportation? Puns that involve words with multiple meanings: The young monkeys went to the jungle gym for some exercise. 6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. 03 Mar 2023 22:10:53 Ruddy firemen. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Did you hear about the accountant? More From Thought Catalog. I said, "Cant say for sure, its so hard to keep track!". by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes, I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" 39. - Stewart Francis, New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group, Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted, Residents Warned to Protect Fish and Hens to Avoid Otter Devastation, Big Rig Carrying Fruit Crashes on 210 Freeway, Creates Jam, You don't have to be a cat lover to love these, Feeling hungry for some humor? I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. It was tense. As I'm putting through the shopping, I hear the dad say: Last night at supper, this interchange occurred (it helps if you know we're from Oklahoma and speak with an Oklahoma drawl): 40. The most common of word play examples is the pun. 38. How much money does a pirate pay for corn? Bud Abbott: Well, give me the 30 and youll owe me 20. Everyone has said stupid stuff 5 years ago let's be honest 3. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures. The number would be put in manually before putting the shopping through and the customer would get back one penny on every pound they spent. He then asked us, "So if you have 5Q and then 5 more Q, how many do you have? Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on. English critic and poet, Samuel Johnson once said of puns, "If I were punished for every pun I shed, there would not be left a puny shed of my punnish head.".